Why Sister Monika Amlinger Wants to Be a Priest by Madeleine Spendier 18 January 23

Bonn: Sister Monika Amlinger feels called to be a priest. The trained pastoral officer lives as a hermit in Osnabrück [Germany]. In an interview with catholic.de she talks about her vocation and what makes it difficult for her.

At the age of 25, Sister Monika Amlinger became a Benedictine. Even then she felt the desire to be a priest. But at first she repressed it. Today she has the certainty that God wants her vocation. In an interview, the 41-year-old theologian talks about her longing to be ordained and why it is exhausting for her to feel called.

Question: Sister Monika, what exactly do you feel called to do?

Sister Monika: I deeply long to be a priest in the Catholic Church. I have worked in parishes for several years and am currently a hospital chaplain. My work fulfills me. I like being there for people. But I long for more. I would also like to be able to celebrate the Eucharist. That would be my heart's desire. For me, heaven always opens up a bit in the celebration of the Eucharist. I am moved by the request that the Holy Spirit descend on the gifts and transform them so that Jesus is present among us. I would like to say the Eucharistic Prayer, especially the words of institution. I like being a pastor but I also want to be able to communicate God's closeness to people in the sacraments. In the hospital the anointing of the sick would also be important to me.

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Sister Monika Amlinger lives as a hermit in an apartment in Osnabrück, Germany. There she has set up a prayer room where she spends a lot of time in prayer and silence every day.

Question: When did you begin to hear this calling?

Sister Monika: During my theology studies in Munich I entered the monastery and became a Benedictine nun. I was 25 years old. In the monastery I was a sacristan. During the services, I had tasks similar to those of an altar server. For example, I brought the hosts to the altar during Mass. It was then that my love for the Eucharist grew. During this time, I felt God's call to be a priest. But I initially pushed this desire away and repressed it.

Question: Was there a moment when you realised your vocation as a priest?

Sister Monika: During my time in the monastery, I was on a pilgrimage on foot. I had a long conversation with a woman who is a theologian. She told me she felt called to be a priest for a long time. I had never heard that from a woman before. That was the first time I spontaneously said that I also felt called to be a priest. I was surprised by my words. It was like a flash of inspiration, an inner clarity. After that, I prayed a lot and also wrestled with God. I asked, 'God, what does this mean? Why do you put such a calling in my heart, such a deep longing when women cannot even be priests in your Church? What should I do?'

Question: Did you get an answer?

Sister Monika: At first I did not know what to do. Most of the people I spoke to about it were helpless and silent. Now I am connected with other women who are called and feel that God has plans for me and for us. Prayer gives me a lot of strength and joy. I have set up a small prayer room in my apartment. Here I spend a lot of time in silence. I feel that God is guiding me. The conversations with my spiritual director, a Jesuit, also help me to find the next steps.

Question: How do you determine whether a spiritual vocation is genuine?

Sister Monika: Ultimately it is difficult to prove definitively whether or not someone is called - man or woman. But there are proven ways of testing: personally for oneself in prayer and in spiritual guidance, but also in the external perception of the people with whom one lives and for whom one is there. You can clearly feel a calling inside. Again and again people have told me that I am a good pastor. Some also address me as 'Frau Pfarrerin' or tell me that I would make a good priest. I think that if the feedback from outside goes together with what you feel inside, there is a good probability that the calling is genuine and wanted by God.

Ultimately, it is the ministers in the church, especially the bishops, who recognise a vocation on the basis of these experiences. This has not been the case for us women so far. I sometimes find it very exhausting to be called.

Question: Why?

Sister Monika: It is deeply painful for me to know that I am not allowed to live my vocation as a priest in the full sense. I am excluded from this ministry by the responsible men in the Church.

Question: You contributed your vocation story in Sister Philippa's book "Because God wants it that way"...

Sister Monika: Yes, 150 women and also individual non-binary persons from Germany, Switzerland and Austria wrote about their vocations in this book. They want to be deacons or priests and many would like to be ordained. Even though they suffer from many of the systemic and human problems that are massively evident in the Catholic Church at the moment.

Contributors have met many times online and once in person. We are now well connected. It was liberating to hear that other women also feel this calling from God. Many have been ashamed for years to even think or express the desire for it. They thought it was all in their head or that they were alone in it. There are hardly any female role models for us who could strengthen or encourage us on our way. Some of us who spoke out were ridiculed, faced with obstacles or pressured to remain silent. We in the 'Network of Women Who Are Called' no longer want to be silent. We want to talk about our vocations and our experiences with other women, men, non-binary women, deacons, priests, bishops and maybe one day with the Pope. Dialogue will be elementary.

Question: Pope Francis recently reaffirmed his no to the ordination of women to the priesthood...

Sister Monika: I personally find this backward and it hurts. There are women called to priesthood all over the world and not only in Germany, Switzerland or Austria. At the Amazon Synod, some bishops said, 'Why do we men still deny sacramental ordination to these women who already do so much for our communities by presiding over baptisms, burying the dead and assisting in marriage?' That was about the ordination of deaconesses and that would be the first important step. Statements like this give me hope. It also makes me happy that some German bishops are seriously interested in supporting women who are called. On the Synodal Way, the basic text on 'Women in Ministries and Offices in the Church' was adopted. It recognises that in earlier times there were women like Therese of Lisieux, who felt a calling to priesthood.

It is imperative that women's callings be examined in the same way that men's are. It is a great step for the German Church and for women who are called that this is included in the text. We can now say that we women have many bishops behind us. Also important is that in the worldwide synodal process it is clear that the topic of women's ordination is pressing in many countries, not only here.

Question: What do you wish for your vocation?

Sister Monika: I would like to be ordained so that I can serve people in the sacraments and to communicate the closeness of God to them. However, I don't know if I will live to see that.

According to today's understanding, the priesthood would also have to change for women who are not celibate like me, but have a family and children or who are queer. We are also concerned with strengthening the diaconal dimension of the priesthood. That means it is about accompanying people on their way, not only about short-term sacramental action. In no way do we want to continue with clericalism. We want to be able to celebrate the sacraments because we as women also hear the call to be priests. Because we feel that this is what God wants!

The 'Network of Women Who Are Called' at a meeting in Stuttgart. Sister Monika Amlinger (2nd from right in front Row) is part of the Network’s four-person coordinating team.

To the right of Sister Monika is Angelika Fromme who for many years served as the German Delegate to Women's Ordination Worldwide.

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This article originally appears in katholisch.de Warum Schwester Monika Amlinger Priesterin sein will